FIx me?!

Don't try to make me feel better. I don't need your help. I don't want your help. I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I don't need your regrets, your sorries and I definately don't need you to fix me. 

I am broken. I can't be fixed by you. I can't be fixed by anyone else but me. I don't want you to solve my problems. You can't solve my problems. How can you be able to solve my problems if you don't even know which are my true problems? Stop guessing. Stop assuming because here's the thing: you always assume wrong. You are never right about me. Ever. 

I am not ok. I will not be ok. Until when? I honestly have no idea. But how can you know any of these? You just can't. Because you are too busy talking about yourself, fixing your damn problems which are far from being fixed bacause you don't admit that you have them!

I know: you don't have any problems because you always get what you want. Because you are always the best. Because you are always successful. Try telling these to someone else. I don't buy it. We all have our dark parts... We always hide something from each other. Things are not pink or shiny. Life is messy, the problems are there but you won't open your eyes.

I have my issues. I have always had them. My soul has never been completely healed, entirely peaceful or just full with happiness. It is not in my nature to complain. What's the point in doing so? Giving away to other people your bad energies? Not. I shut down. I shove things in the back of the closet, I lock doors, I throw away things or just let people out. I daydream a lot when I don't feel well. I tend to disconnect. I just don't say anything and push myself through. It's not healthy, it's not nice to cut people out but it's the way I deal with pain.

My point? My pain is my pain. You can't take it away, you can't fix me. I am who I am and usually the pain I feel multiplies with the number of people who try and take it away. Don't bother making me feel better. Don't bother trying to change me. First try and change yourself, solve your own problems, deal with your own inner demons. Don't try and make someone else feel better when you don't because you won't be able too.

My self destruction process has begun. One  las wish? A cup of coffee, a friend and 45 minutes to talk.