Writing releases sorrow. At least it does for me. It makes you take everything out and put it on a piece of paper. Or on a piece of blog. And you share your grief, and sometimes it gets better. And sometimes you don't feel it tearing you apart, you're numb, but sometimes you feel everything. The way your spirit breaks, the way the flesh of your soul gets peeled off your bones. And other times, you learn to make peace with yourself. To just accept the fact that it's happening. And this is the way to cry it off. You let yourself fall and shatter, you wait a while before pulling yourself together again. But you're never again the same. You never laugh or smile like before, you never feel like before. And you learn to distance yourself from you and others. You learn to put up walls once more. And once more, they keep you safe and sound. And once more, you grow shells on your soul, you protect yourself. It's called self-defence mechanisms. Or just distance.
Sometimes we fail. In listening to others, in understanding, in every possible way a human can fail. And you try to fix things. You glue them together, pin them on the walls, make them look pretty again. But sometimes, you don't. Sometimes you focus on the wrong things. Sometimes you fail to understand the needs and wants of others. And you scar them. And you don't even realize you should have done something to make ends meet. You just leave things like that, hoping that time would heal all wounds. Time doesn't heal. It rips apart. It leaves you numb, marked, scarred. Time destroys the one you have been a second ago and creates a new you, every second.
When you realize that you did not mean anything in a persons life, you start wondering if you were dreaming all the time. When you see people change, you know they don't want you in their lives anymore. You need to learn how to cope with that. Coping isn't easy. Moving on is a difficult process. It's laborious. You have to make peace with yourself, accept you've done some wrongs and some rights and you have to walk away so you can be free. But sometimes, you can't feel free. You feel chained, lost but you know it doesn't mean anything. That you did not leave a mark on someone. You were just one of the many faces they saw everyday of their lives. Accept it.
The worst part is when your eyes become quiet. When your soul becomes numb and your body doesn't feel like reacting to stimuli. When your whole self rebels and decides it needs a break. and you give it one. You give everything a break. You run away, in your head, from everything and everyone. And you leave everything behind. And just learn how to breath again. Inhale. Exhale.
Heal your soul. One step at a time. Maybe one day you're going to be ok. Cause someone scarred their way in you.
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