Random Thoughts 16

For the first time in a long time I know I'll be ok. I know I'll make it. I have to. It's too late for second guessing myself, too late to ask for another opinion. This is it. I have to do it. I volunteered for this, now there's no going back. My instincts are (almost) always right. Therefore, I shall trust my instincts.

We put all our faith in this and hoped that somehow, at the end of the day, reality will cope with us, not the other way around and we will all get what we want. Apparently, reality decided we are not given choices, but things just tend to happen on their own and all we can do is follow. And so, we go with the flow. Whatever that is.

Beyond the late nights, the fear of being not worth the effort, the insecurities and all the instability that comes with them, we hope for the best. we are wired that way. When things get rough, when we hit the bottom rock, we tend to remember that there is a higher force in this universe. That something controls everything and our entire existence is nothing but a board game. So, we state our beliefs, we pray, we bargain, we hope something is wrong, we get angry and at some point we decide that no matter what we do, things happen just because they are meant to happen. 

It just hit me a couple of days ago. How much I've changed since last year. After the whole changing process, which was kind of cruel and difficult, I found myself smiling. I've grown, I've found joy in the little things, I learnt to look at the bright side of things. I know that me, taken the good with the bad, is enough to make someone's day and also, me, will never be enough for some I've seen as friends. I've met people who showed me the world is worth every ache and sore, who made me understand that I have no reason to want to be someone other than I am. Sometimes, change is good.

It started snowing again. Bad timing but I still enjoy it. It looks goos, it feels good, it's even worth the cold outside. Perfect timing for a good book and hot chocolate. I've only got a few days off before hell unleashes (aka last term in high school).